I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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