I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
