Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Blood and glitter go together right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
