I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
