I cut my penus on the lid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Blood and glitter go together right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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