i permit you to call me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
