Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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