Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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