It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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