U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize