spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
