Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think i got beer on your cat.
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