I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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