he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
