never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
