I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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