how can u be prego again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
