I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
