I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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