you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
