you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
