How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
