"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
