dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
