Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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