Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize