these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
