if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis