saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!