also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk