Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.