i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone