My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
