I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No subtext here. People are naked.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
