I just threw up on my dentist
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
