my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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