My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
