YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
