If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
