then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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