Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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