you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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