This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
