forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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