the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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