before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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