I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
