I got chris browned last night
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize