I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
