Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The uberlube is also flammable
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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