A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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