I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
