well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
