the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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