Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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