she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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