i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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