you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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