I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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