There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My balls are so social today.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
