I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
