i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize